Or, Me, ADD? Surely You Jest!
The allergies that have been hounding me for the last few days have now been joined by a full-fledged autumn cold, complete with a sinus headache and sore throat. Obviously, I will not be doing much work today on things like Item #48 (running a 10K) or Item #71 (completely remodel the basement), but I want to do something, so I decided it was time for Item #16: Comprehend the concept of the International Date Line.
I am, not to put too fine a point on it, a pretty smart cookie. I got an eyebrow-raising SAT score in high school, and graduated Phi Beta Kappa (a national honor society) from college. I think algebra is just a more interesting sort of logic puzzle, and when I go on vacation I bring along a 4-inch-thick dictionary and my ongoing list of unfamiliar words encountered in my reading, so I can look them up and write down the definitions, for fun. I love thinking and learning and stretching my brain. There is absolutely no reason that the entire concept of the International Date Line should completely elude me, but it has served as an excellent reminder over the years that I am not quite as smart as I sometimes think I am.
I understood it once, in 2006, for one brief shining moment that lasted about seven seconds. And then it was gone. How can it be Tuesday in one bit of ocean, and Wednesday in the next, in the middle of the day? Doesn't the new day just follow midnight around the world? [Insert confused wail here.] It seems like it should be so easy.
So, for your entertainment (and for my further opportunities for humility), I will chronicle my attempt to figure this darn thing out.
1. Eat Arby's cherry turnover for brain food.
2. Look up "International Date Line" on wikipedia.
3. Reluctantly admit that I should probably figure out exactly what Greenwich Mean Time is.
4. Go downstairs to get globe. Get distracted and get diet Coke instead.
5. Bring back globe, successfully this time.
6. Get distracted playing computer ball game with kids.
7. Become very confused by apparently random time zone map of Europe. No wonder we declared independence.
8. Discover that I actually already did understand GMT. Phew!
9. Procrastinate by wandering into bathroom to find lip balm.
10. Wonder why hair is so frizzy today. Become intrigued with pattern of light and shadow on hair from Venetian blinds. Take picture. Take phone call. Wish that throat was not so sore.
11. Learn where the International Date Line actually is. (For the most part, the 180° meridian, which is roughly down the middle of the Pacific Ocean.) Locate it on the globe.
12. Giggle at the name "Tuvalu", which is inexplicably amusing to me. Find Ellice Island and recall that my grandpa did work there in the Seabees during World War II. Remember that I haven't emailed Grandma in a few weeks. Catch myself before starting email to Grandma, and remind myself to do it later.
13. Decide on New Zealand as reference point - i.e., "If I am in New Zealand and you are floating in the ocean a ways east of me, what time is it?" (Answer: Time for me to go rescue you.)
14. Succumb to the dreaded wiki-clickies, and end up reading about traditional Samoan tattoo traditions. Catch self and return to New Zealand.
15. Wow - did you know that time zones are unilaterally decided by national governments for their own nations? I never knew that. I thought there was a Time Zone Board or something.
16. Post on Facebook about coining the term "wiki-clickies." I'm so easily amused.
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7. Decide that it is time to take a picture of this adorable little globe. Get distracted playing with PhotoStudio.18. Get intrigued at the Jewish solution to the dateline problem as it applies to the Sabbath (first referenced in a 12th century Talmudic commentary). For the Jew crossing the dateline on the Sabbath, for him it shall be Friday until he meets a local for whom it is Saturday, and then it shall be Saturday for him. Problem solved!
19. Wonder if the Talmud can explain the darn thing.
20. Reluctantly Google "International Date Line kids" to find explanation that doesn't assume you already understand it.
21. How can that BE? How can there always be two days at once somewhere in the world? Isn't there, like, one second where it's Friday everywhere? It doesn't even have to be five o'clock everywhere, that would be asking too much. But can't it be Friday everywhere if it's midnight in New Zealand? Or in Greenwich? Or something?
22. OK. If I am in New Zealand, and it is midnight, it just went from Sunday to Monday. No, let's pick more fun days - all right, I'm in New Zealand and it's midnight and it just went from Friday to Saturday. So for me it is 12:38 a.m. Saturday (because I saw the stars out the window and got distracted and went outside for a little bit), but for my flailing friend in the South Pacific it's ... Saturday? Friday? I don't know.
23. Think about how fun it would be to go to New Zealand and see where the Lord of the Rings movies were filmed, and maybe go on a little plane ride, and definitely go to the beach, except it's April there. Well, not really April, but spring anyway.
24. One website says, "When it is Tuesday in New Zealand, it is Monday in Hawaii." Doesn't this bother anybody?!
25. Explanation found on kids' social studies website: "Why? Because the earth is round." I guess they don't understand it either.
26. I had this fleeting thought just now, when I was leaning back in my office chair, little globe propped on my chest and my nose a few inches from Moscow: "It has to be Tuesday somewhere." It felt like a clue of some sort, tossed into my brain by my subconscious.
27. Wonder if perhaps my subconscious has understood it all along, but has been hiding it in order to keep me humble.
28. Once more, with fabric! Friday is tie-dye, Saturday is stars and galaxies.
29. Did I get this right? Is there an hour of the day where it's only Friday in one little slice of the world and for the rest of the world it's Saturday, and then when it's midnight in New Zealand it turns into Sunday and the rest of the world it's still Saturday, and the sun stays here, and midnight goes there, and it's noon there and four o'clock here but on different days? I think I did! Don't ask me to explain it again, but I think I got it.
30. Take two Tylenol and decide to visit New Zealand.
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